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Wednesday, August 17, 2011

It's been one long month.

One month ago everything was normal, my son was attending the same school he'd been at for 3 years and all was well. He was learning new and fun things everyday. He was loving every minute of his academic experience.

Then....we got a major sucker punch right in the gut.

In the past four weeks I've done all I can to help, while still keeping my life on track. It's hard enough being a single mom, but then you add a depressed child on top of that and it takes it to a whole new level.

I'm one of the lucky ones though. I have a mom who was pretty much up here as soon as she could get here and she has been with my little guy every day since. We've found a new school, met the staff and some of the students. I'm amazed at how at ease Josh is with the impending transition. He constantly amazes me. He's overcome his depression, for now.....we'll see what the start of school brings.

Some may or may not know that my little man is what is classified as an HSC (Highly Sensitive Child). They're not normal, but that's not a bad thing. They can be extremely picky and set in their ways. They can be sensitive to sounds, smells, tastes etc. They are EXTREMELY empathetic for others, children and especially animals. It makes watching a normal Disney movie very challenging. They ask profound and somewhat adult questions and catch you off guard with those questions. They also need to be prepared adequately for any changes, as changes aren't something you can jump into with this type of child.

I have been asked if Josh will be returning to his old school if/when it re-opens. I hate to say it .....but, no. Currently, he would not be able to do that. We need complete consistency in his life and he is already prepared to go to his new school and is pretty dang excited about it. It is smaller and substantially cheaper for me in the long run so we'll actually be able to afford Legoland at some point!

I hate that all of this has happened to the school and to all of the amazing staff and faculty. I especially hate that this has happened to all of the children. I never want to be in the position I was in on Monday July 18th at around 4:00pm. Pulling up to a police barricade....not knowing if my child was even OK. I have never been so scared in my life.

I can say that I do believe things were handled poorly by the agencies involved. I think there would have been a better time of day to do this and the excessive show of force hasn't helped their case at all. My child, among others, is scared of police now. The people he used to look up to and idolize are now the people he tries to avoid.

However, life does go on. It has to. I can't sit by hoping that something will happen and not have a plan in place. That is why we have chosen to move on. We have to. There may be a day when he can return....but I don't know when that day is. I don't know that things will be what they once were and until all loose ends are tied up and I can't take the chance that I could pull up to a scene similar to what I encountered that Monday in July.

I don't know why I had to write this today. I think I just had to get all of this out of my head. It's all been swirling around and some days I feel like my head just might explode. Monday marks our fresh start and I know that we're all pretty excited about all of the fun events coming up!

To those that might look at me as a traitor or feel as though I've turned my back on our CFS community....please know it's nothing of the sort. I've defended, I've done interviews, I've marched across the street and knocked on the window of a news van to tell our side, the CFS side. I've worked with my mother in the kitchen at the spaghetti feed in an attempt to raise money and I've helped at the yard sale. I'm just worn out. However, my first priority is my son. I have to do what is immediately necessary for him. I continue to thank CFS for the nurturing my son was shown for most of his 3 years there, he learned more by the end of kindergarten then I ever imagined. For that, I say thank you. Thank you for helping my son become the young gentleman he is. He is, and will continue to be, an amazing child.

Now.....we write our next chapter.....and I know it will rock!

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